Friends Who Make Us Better

Self-pity does not look good on me, but I indulge now and then. On one of these occasions, I called a friend to complain about my daughter’s cardiologist. I had found the doctor to be brash and condensing. I felt insulted; I had not received the appropriate respect. My friend could have indulged my weakness and joined in my chorus of ‘poor me;’ but, she cared about my daughter and I, and she decided to set me straight. In no uncertain terms, she explained that the cardiologist was there to care for my daughter. My sensibilities were not the priority. The objective was not to feed my ego; it was to make sure my daughter received the best care.

Like many antiseptics, her words stung when they hit my wounds; and, like antiseptic, it killed an infection. My friend had told me what I NEEDED to hear, rather than what I WANTED to hear. It was a lesson I needed to learn. This is what real friends do.

I have had the privilege of spending the last two school years with a remarkable young man. His talent and potential for leadership are infinite. He is kind, compassionate, and tough all at the same time. During our time together, I have witnessed a metamorphosis. This young man was lost and angry twelve months ago. He struggled with school, the law, and himself. He was in pain, and it pained me to watch him. Then, he did something courageous; he chose to change.

It has been said that it is hard to feel sorry for yourself if your focus is on serving others. This student embraced this philosophy. He has not only turned his attitude and school performance around; he has transformed others. His influence has led many of his friends to improve their school performance and reflect upon what they need to do to maximize learning. He challenges their ideas and helps them monitor their behavior. He is creating the school community he wants. He is the change. He IS a true friend.

The more time I spend in my ‘lab’ at school; the more I witness this. Students are taking the time and making the effort to push one another. They are using their strengths to help one another. They are making the effort to reach out. Out of their cliques, out of their comfort zones, out of their insecurities. The children I love are becoming the adults I hope for. I am honored to watch them grow.